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I had a love once. I lost them. Better
to have loved and lost then never to have loved at all? I don't know.
I don't have the answers, mostly I just have questions. Yet, I have a
story to tell. A confession of heartache. This is merely a glimpse
into such a tale.
They say you never forget your first
love. Is that true? Tell me about them. Did they have a smile that
they kept just for you? Could a single touch, or even the thought of
one, send chills throughout your entire body? Where they there for
you? I suppose most importantly I should ask – did they love you? That seems a silly question to ask, but one central to the telling of my tale.
It's a tragic story, perhaps even epic,
when they don't love you. Why would you spend all that time and
energy to love someone who didn't love you in return, you may be
asking. Let me tell you about my first love.
They had the most amazing smile you'd
ever see – warm, genuine, welcoming. I saw this smile most all the
time, as it was a person to whom I was fairly well acquainted. I
didn't fall for just a smile, of course. There was their personality,
as cliché as that sounds. Funny, serious, compassionate,
dedicated, intelligent... and so many more things I can't even
adequately describe in words. There was their eyes – eyes that
spoke volumes, eyes that often betrayed what they were truly
thinking. I'd seen eyes like that only once before, eyes which
belonged to a love of another sort. The difference was that my first
love never truly realized the honesty they conveyed, and they never
learned to truly see me through those eyes. But I could read them
through those eyes. This is how I know it was a love that went one
way. I could see they way those eyes lit up in the presence of
another. The way it never lit up to see me. You'd think that would be
reason enough to cease caring. Ah, the dictates of the heart are a
funny thing. I always had hope – a small one, albeit – but hope
nonetheless. A hope that friendship could blossom into something
more. A hope that someday, they would realize that there was someone
waiting on them.
In some ways, I'm still waiting. I
haven't forgotten that first love. I've lost them. But they aren't
forgotten. They are more like a shadow, haunting my memories. Most
everyone else is measured up and compared to them. It's over. Still,
I can't seem to forget them. Perhaps it's true. Perhaps you never do
forget your first love.
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